'An article by Marv Knox has sparked an interesting conversation on Facebook. I didn't want to hijack my friend's post, so I thought I'd move some of my musings to my blog. Here's the original article: http://www.baptiststandard.com/opinion/editorial/16108-editorial-knowing-and-claiming-god-s-will and here is the question my friend posed: What do you think about, worry about, and struggle with when it comes to discerning the will of God? The conversation included many people telling about friends or people saying "God told me" followed by something self-serving or contrary to what Scripture teaches us about the character of God and how discernment often relies on what Scripture teaches us to be true about God.
Honestly, the few times in my life I feel I heard directly from God, it had to do with overcoming sin in my own life - and that's the difference between the obvious and the murky for me, what I know is His will (overcoming sin) and a "declaration of intention" based on feelings or leanings (like "I've been called to ministry!"). (For the record, I'm not picking on ministers, you'll understand later why I used that example.) Feelings can be so misleading. My pastor (and husband) pointed out just how misleading in a Bible Study discussion the other day. He asked if Jesus felt faithful when he cried out "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?!" on the cross. Boy that's a question that will stop you in your tracks. I can't speak for Jesus, but my guess would be probably not, I know when I ponder the same question, I certainly do not feel faithful. But then he followed it up with another question: whether or not Jesus felt faithful - was he faithful? To that, we gave an emphatic "Yes!" I guess we'll have to wait to ask Jesus what He was actually feeling in that moment, but for me, it was encouraging to hear that I can doubt and still be faithful even in the midst of my doubt. We give Thomas such a bad rap, but seriously, if all the disciples didn't have some sort of doubt, then why were they hiding? Doubt is not the point. Someone once said that the opposite of faith is not doubt - the opposite of faith is certainty. It's an interesting point. Certainty is found in proof and faith does not, cannot rely on proof - otherwise, it's not faith - right? (Again, I'm not claiming an answer as much as I'm pondering many answers.) We will doubt, but even in the midst, we must still push on towards the light.
I know all too well how my emotions can get the best of me. In my deepest darkest times, I can convince myself that literally no one cares about me and I'm completely alone. The last time I tried this, a church member drove by the parking lot I was in at that very moment - the very same church member who filled in for me in Sunday school when I was sick and was ready for the lesson the next week too - just in case. I realized how stupid I was being - here I am feeling alone and loveless when living proof of the opposite drives right by. Feelings are not truth - they are feelings. Isn't doubt a feeling? Sometimes it's validated, sometimes it's not. What about faith though...does faith go beyond feeling? I think it does.
Was it God's will for that church member to drive by? What if I had chosen to go to a different store first? Would I have gone against the will of God? What if that church member had gone a different way? This leads to the next part of the discussion - are we discerning the specific or general will of God? Is there a difference?
As for a direct, specific will for my life, that's tough for me to swallow at times. Almost a year ago I had what I felt was an epiphany in a worship service that had been surrounded by various workshops and experiences. I felt that God was leading me to a life in ministry - specifically in worship (not just music - worship. There's a difference.). I knew that the best way to accomplish this was to go back to school, so after seeking the counsel of those older, wiser, and more mature than I, I transferred my credits to a four year university and proceeded to finish the undergrad degree I started many years ago. I am pursuing a BA in Psychology because I love psychology and understanding what drives people to do what they do. I took 3 classes, managed to get A's in all three, and signed up for 3 more the following semester. About a week before my final exams and projects, I discovered that I was pregnant. Again.
I was blindsided. We were done having babies and had taken steps to ensure this wouldn't happen. We followed all the rules and even took extra steps, we were so responsible. But apparently, being responsible doesn't always matter. Suddenly, I was in the shoes of the people I'd only read about and (gulp) openly criticized - the "pregnant again within a year" shoes. How could we afford another child? We were still paying astronomical bills from my son's birth only seven months earlier. I was in the midst of battling postpartum depression and had finally began to emerge from my sleep deprived, panic driven state of mind. I had had an epiphany for crying out loud! I was ashamed of my thoughts: God, how could you allow this to happen?
The will of God. The power of God. The control of God. Faith. Name it and claim it, move mountains and cast them into the sea...right?
What was the truth? How did this news fit in with what I was so sure was the plan for me? Had I gotten too bogged in specifics? Is my true calling as a follower of Christ already outlined in Jesus' words to his disciples passed down to us - The Sermon on the Mount, caring for the least of these, love God and your neighbor, love one another as I have loved you - regardless of whether I'm a mother or a minister or a mogul or a mobster? Do I ask the wrong questions, like,"God, which house should I live in?" while God is going, "Feed the poor, love your neighbor, and quit worrying about houses!"? Maybe I complicate it by being "me minded" and not "kingdom minded". Maybe it was God's will to give my kids a sister and I was standing in the way. What do we do when our idea of God's will opposes someone else's? Who wins?
But, even then, I could still argue with myself and say there is a specific will and there are times I felt led by God to a specific place and time and person as well and looking back, I'm still sure of it. Maybe God does both, tells us in Scripture not to worry about clothes and food and houses, but still leads us to the home that will help us be better stewards or have caring neighbors or whatever because we're human and we're often dumb and faithless and we just need help. This is all an example of my human limitations - I just don't know sometimes. Maybe if Adam and Eve had eaten from the other tree, we wouldn't have to worry about it. Who knows. But even in my blindsided, heavy doubt, I still chase God and try to figure out where I fit in His Kingdom. Maybe I need to learn something from my three kids before a BA in Psychology could help me in worship ministry. Again, who knows?
So what about limitations? We know we are limited - but what about God? Is He limited? Some say yes, others say no.
Consider the gift of free will. Is it a limitation? Maybe. A limitation put on God by God himself and if so, is it really a limitation? Can't God overcome it whenever He wants? How could God be limited and sovereign? Do the words "limitation" and" sovereign" mean to God what they mean to us? My best guess on that one is probably not.
I think the case could be made that Jesus got frustrated with the disciples because of this "self-limiting" - He obviously desired (willed?) for them to have more faith but he did not (could not?) force them. Again, where does sovereignty fit in? If Jesus was fully God and fully man, was he still sovereign? Scripture seems to teach that he was, he could've called down angels to deliver him at any point. But wasn't He still limited in some things? If not, why then would he cry over Jerusalem? It's an issue that has perplexed us for centuries.
The conclusion that we came to was that God is capable of speaking in many different ways and that we shouldn't be so quick to shut down someone simply because they hear from God differently than we do - but we must still use the plumb line of Scripture to determine if it seems like something God would say. A little reminiscent of "judge not lest you be judged", with a healthy dose of "shrewdness" and "love" thrown in, don't you think?
