I can't keep calm, I have anxiety.

 Many of you have seen this t-shirt on mine and other Pinterest accounts. The original can be seen here. It's funny because it seems so true to many of us. It's a clever way of telling others, "Look, I can't help it, okay?!"

I've gone throughout much of my life believing the same about myself. Anxiety runs in my family - not just worrying occasionally about a particularly stressful situation - but of the more chronic variety. When I was a child, I used to worry that when I got off the school bus, a tornado would have swept through my neighborhood, taking my house and family with it. This wasn't just a one time worry, this happened every day for many years. When I got older and was first married, I often agonized over what I would do if something happened to Kevin. I mean, I dropped out of school so we could follow his career...and him being a minster further complicated that issue...so what would I do if he died? Instead of confronting my fears head on, I would shrink into a state of misery, panic, and negativity that would last for weeks, affecting everyone around me, and promoting the bone deep self doubt I've struggled with since I was a small child. Most of all, it affected my faith. How could I claim I really trusted in God when all my thoughts and actions clearly said otherwise?

I used to cling to verses like Matthew 6:34 -

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Or how about Luke 12:25-26 -

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?"

In fact, it's been proven that chronic anxiety can shorten your life, not lengthen it - even by a single hour. Great, now I have something else to worry about... I struggled and fought with these verses because I just couldn't stop worrying, it was part of my being, and more than that, it kept me "strong" in my prayer life, so worrying must actually be a good thing right? It's easy to justify our actions, but nowhere in Scripture does God say that worrying or anxiety is good. So where does that leave those of us who really can't seem to help it?

I'm happy to say I no longer struggle daily with chronic anxiety and its been such a blessing. That's not to say I don't occasionally worry about things, but through a long learning process, God taught me some things about me and about himself that helped me stop the cycle of panic and negativity. Many things figured into this process, like an antidepressant medication, but there are 3 that I specifically want to share with you and encourage you to try if you struggle with this like I do.

1) Therapy. There's a stigma attached to therapy and that holds a lot of people back from utilizing this particular tool. "Only really messed up people go to therapy, I'm not that bad..." "I don't need therapy, what if they try to hypnotize me or plant false memories?" "What if someone finds out? What will they think?" I'm not saying these fears don't have roots and are not validated, they are. Really messed up people do benefit from therapy. Total crock psychologists have ruined families with false memories. Someone may see you and start a nasty rumor. But these fears do not represent the truth. The truth is a good therapist, someone who is well educated and highly recommended, is like a doctor - they are there to help and not harm you. Most of my sessions have consisted of just talking about my life, being asked questions, and then being given some practical advice. It has opened the door to further introspection and allowed God to clean out some nasty junk piles (AKA roots of bitterness) that were taking up room in my heart - stuff I didn't realize I was still carrying around. I realized that nothing good comes from stuffing down your feelings, we NEED to process them and sometimes it hurts and it's scary, but it's so very necessary. It's scary because it means we have to become vulnerable, to open up, to admit that everything is not perfect. I mean, for crying out loud, we're Southerners, I'm pretty sure the phrase "peachy keen" started in Georgia. But let me ask you this: What if Jesus hadn't struggled and become vulnerable in the Garden of Gethsemane? What if instead, he stuffed down those feelings and decided to NOT explore the will of the Father? Honestly, we sometimes have to deal with some ugly stuff. I've had to confront some serious anger and unforgiveness on my part. I've had to learn to stop automatically throwing up my defenses. I learned that I often tried to force others to own my emotions (You're making me depressed/anxious/etc...) and that isn't right or healthy. Others may say or do things that hurt me, but I can't control them, I can only control my emotions, actions, and reactions. It's been tough, but it has changed my life. I have learned to evaluate and not to judge. To recognize the good in others and not focus on the bad or the "what ifs".

2) I also encourage you to learn about the physiology of anxiety. If you were diagnosed with cancer, wouldn't you immediately begin researching the physical effects and treatments? I read a really interesting article several months ago by a Harvard professor explaining how anxiety affects our brain physically (I have spent the past hour searching for it and I can't find it, but when I do, I'll link to it). I often found that the more worked up I would get, the less I was able to think rationally or logically about anything. It turns out that as our anxiety grows, our brain literally reroutes the blood flow from the "thinking brain" to the "feeling brain", making it physically harder to reach logical conclusions. Even though I take medication, I still struggle with these anxious or depressive thoughts, which leaves me with two choices: increase my medication or learn a different way of coping. I've found a great way to combat this is by "talking myself down", which leads me to my next tip:

3) Have a good cry, pray, and then confront your fears and conquer them. Now, I don't mean forcing yourself to go bungee jumping if you're terrified of heights - at least not before learning to properly confront your fears. One of the best ways I've learned to do this is by writing down what I'm afraid of (free association style) and then asking myself these questions: Which of these can I control? Which can I not control? How can I calm my anxiety about these things? I'll give you an example of something I went through just this morning - a major freak out about having two kids. Here's how I started:

Why am I scared?

I'm scared of not being able to handle two children - logistically, as I know I have more than enough love for them both.
I'm scared of losing one or both of my children,
I'm scared of losing myself in the midst of parenting two children.
I'm scared I'll never be able to keep the house clean.
I'm scared of the unknown.

(See how some are concrete and others are vague? That's okay, write them down anyway.)

Which of these can I control? Which can I not control? What can I do to reduce my anxiety?

I can remind myself that I have given God control of my life and that he has never failed me.
I can remind myself that he is also the God of my children. He gave them to me and called me to be their earthly mother, along with all the joy and pain that comes along with motherhood - but I must also remember that my primary goal is to lead them back to their Heavenly Father.
I can remember that I will not allow anyone to harm my children with my knowledge. No one can just take them from me without a fight. I cannot control everything that will hurt them, but God gave me eyes, ears, a brain, and an intuition - and he wants me to use them. I can trust that he will handle the rest, because again, he has never failed me.
I can read books and articles that help me understand and respond correctly to my kids, with love and grace, and discipline them in a Christ-like manner.
I can remember that the years in which my children are young and "helpless" will go by too quickly and that I must enjoy them now!
I can recognize that many of these feelings are stemming from pregnancy hormones and that I will feel normal again soon. This will probably be my last pregnancy, so I need to take a few moments here and there to enjoy the kicks and pulls and the miracle that is pregnancy and childbirth.
I can make sure that I get at least one chore done everyday and keep persevering, even when I'm tired and don't feel well. It may not be perfect, but I am improving and can be proud of that.

These three things have really helped me come a long way in getting past my fears and realizing how important it is to live in the present. I still cling to the verses above - but it's with a new outlook. I can now look to tomorrow with hope and not anxiety, because as the old hymn says, I know who holds tomorrow, and I know who holds my hand.

As always, I welcome your feedback, but please keep it respectful and courteous.