Well, it seems I've accomplished the near impossible and avoided early induction, despite being a gestational diabetic - can you believe it??? I went in for my 39 week appointment today and was surprised when there was no midwife or doctor around, just the lab girls and the sonographer. (By the way, they were totally using the flower pens I made them from my extra supplies, lol!) I had my weekly NST and ultrasound to check the placenta and all that good stuff, and as usual, everything looked fine. I've kept my blood sugar controlled with diet and haven't had any abnormal numbers, in fact, Jacob is only measuring about 7 lbs, perfectly normal size. I was told my OB would take a look at the NST and ultrasound results and if there was a problem, he'd call me. It's now close to 7PM and I've heard nothing. I called before they closed just to make sure I was good and they gave me the all clear - "Come back for your appointment Monday if you haven't gone into labor." I guess since all my numbers (weight, BP, sugars, etc) have been holding steady, there's no need to worry or mess with nature.
So how do I feel about this? Overjoyed. Terrified. Disbelieving. Wow.
Being 39 weeks pregnant is not comfortable if you're 5'2". There's like, no room left in your torso for more baby, and you sometimes feel as if you need a rolling cart for your rapidly expanding abdomen. I don't think it's very comfortable for any pregnant woman, but I seem to encounter a lot of people that just can't believe I'm still pregnant, even when I say I'm only 39 weeks. (Only?!) I guess induction really is that common? I don't know. And even more unbelievable to most is that I'm choosing to stay pregnant, I'm not one of those poor women who begged to be induced and was told no. In fact, I haven't even employed many of the "natural induction" techniques because as hard as it is, I really do believe in God's perfect timing. After last weeks appointment (in which I was told for the first time that Jacob was measuring "small" and that was scary), I was extremely emotional. While I had effaced a bit more, I hadn't dilated past a 2 or 3, and I've been having mild contractions on and off for weeks. I've been convinced, more than once, that it was "time", only to try resting and timing contractions and have them stop.
It hasn't been easy. I haven't been strong all the way. I've prayed and worried and begged and resolved and resigned and prayed some more. Most of it consisting of "God I just can't do this anymore.... but as Jesus said, not my will, but your will be done" or "Lord, I believe, help my unbelief." Sometimes it was "Seriously, Lord, this early labor thing has GOT TO STOP." But, in my heart of hearts, my biggest desire is to see how God is going to work all of this out. To look back and realize that I was in the middle of His working plan. Today, when I got to my appointment and there was no one there to tell me my progress and give me a deadline, I freaked out a bit. I had resolved to submit to a stretch and sweep to get things moving. I was ready to believe my body was broken. And no one was there to confirm that. It's like God was saying, "Will you just chill? I got this, just like you asked." And so I said, "Umm, is that you God?? Better call and make sure." So I did. And was reassured - I'm fine, Jacob is fine. And God said again, "Chill. I got this."
Many believe that before our children are born is when they are closest to God. Even David said God knit him together in his mother's womb, although I prefer to think God crocheted him.... Could it really be that God and Jacob are in cahoots and I'm just a spectator? It's an interesting thought to ponder. Kevin is convinced he will be born on Maundy Thursday. The full moon is Wednesday, so he could be right. Wouldn't it be awesome to tell Jacob the story of his birth, that he came on the day we celebrate "the mandate", the new commandment from Jesus, to love others as he loved us?
I wait with anticipation.
And, until then, yes, I'm "still here", larger than life, uncomfortable, but still joyful in being part of a modern day miracle, the birth of a child.
No comments:
Post a Comment